SERIES TITLE: Reflections on the Past

DISCLAIMER:-  All the characters and situations of the X-files
              television program are the creation and property of Chris
Carter, and Fox Broadcasting and have been used without permission.  No
copyright infringement intended.  Please e-mail with thoughts, good the
bad and the ugly.

SPOILERS:-  Set in the third season Grotesque (3x14)

SUMMARY:-     Mulder Anguish.  Basically it's reflecting on  the changes
              in personality and they effected others.  Also has a bit
about how his childhood may have effected his adult life.  NO MSR, NO
VIOLENCE, NO SWEARING.  Relationship that Mulder is e.g with his farther,
Dana and Sam.

Echos of a Monster
By Vanessa Gray
   v.gray@student.qut.edu.au

He couldn't believe it had happened again.  He hated having to draw on
his dark side of his nature to get the job done.  Worse, this time he had
a partner and she had been dragged down.  She hadn't been prepared for it
all.  How many were?

Patterson had wanted him to take over from him when he had finished.  If
he hadn't found the X-Files or gotten a partner he would have been
Patterson.  To know a monster, you had to become one.  Well Scully had
finally seen the monster.  Did others have the trouble he had?  He
remembered when Patterson had told him that he should stay, that he had
the skill...hell the talent to go far.  But he hadn't wanted to go far
if, it meant thinking like a killer.

Now he had been forced to talk to the Psychology Division again.  Now
Mulder, you know childhood develops you?  Why couldn't people leave him
and his childhood alone?  He lived it at night.  He was a psychologist, he
knew.  But the worse thing was going to be to face Scully again.  

He ripped at the pictures on the walls.  He had dreamed he had tried to
kill himself.  If anybody at  Psychology Division got a hold of that
loaded dream, interpretations would be flying around the FBI.  Spooky
Mulder just got Spookier.

Monsters within or without, which were worse?  Within.  Without you
didn't have to worry about things that they were beyond your control.
Within monsters were uglier and nastier than anything other people could
dream of.

The X-Files helped.  Dana Scully had helped too, the few time the need to
lash out had arise.  Comedy had helped cover the hurt most times, but not
this case.

He couldn't believe that Patterson had asked for his help, but now he
couldn't believe that he had wanted to be caught by him.  Tough, Patterson
had set him so that Scully had thought it was he who was doing the
killings.  That had hurt.  Thinking back on his behaviour, he was
surprised she was as supportive as she was.  He was now afraid of
the way he had acted, all but forgetting her and the rest of the world.

And now he was wallowing in the deceitful nature of Patterson and his own
potential to be him.  Why did Patterson succumb to the nature of the job?
Maybe one case to many the hunt had overtaken him.  He only had his theory
of what possibly had happen to Patterson.  He had gotten to the place
where it didn't matter how;  he had to solve the case.  That's how he was
able to mold himself into the most horrible people, it made it easier to
get into their minds. 

He wondered what it felt like not to have this skill.  What are other
people's monsters?  What was his dad's monster? Scully, did she have any?
Maybe he should phone and talk to her?  No.  He should do this in person,
emotions needed to be seen so he could tell if they needed to be
explained.
 
He still had the OPC to contend with, to see if the shotting of Patterson
had been necessary.  Had it?  Scully had told him that she felt it had
been right.  But what she didn't realize was that the slow retrieval of
his cellular phone was not from pain, but from the wish that Patterson
would die.  Not only because *he* had wished it, but because he knew
Patterson would not like his new surroundings.  But how much control did he
have over it?  What would happen next time he got a case like this?  Only
time could tell.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
^^     Vanessa Gray  v.gray@student.qut.edu.au     
00     MPPB, CMNB, NLEB, Ratnic, SPCDD #30, LGW #77
><     XPRA, RelationshipX, Myth Patrol, FanFic, Fictalk

<:8)-- FM:- Help me to understand. (3x14)
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